What is ||||?
5th Dimension micah
I began writing in kindergarten but I started composing in high school. As my first love and I teetered on the brink of separation, I would go to pencil and paper and write how I felt. At first it was nonsense, most of which I didn’t keep. After speaking with a good, female friend I met on a whim, I began prosodic writing, inserting my love for music and rhyme into serendipitous, stream-of-consciousness scrawling bouts. Though I wasn’t terribly focused on format or alliterate diversity, I poured out my feelings. What came out of the emotional tidal wave was 7th Year Wavelength (of heartbeat and death). It had taken me approximately 7 years to overcome the pain of losing a first, true love and no longer having what my parents still have, while becoming independent from a distance. The poetry served as the prelude of |/|||| Neoteric Manumission, a vibrational frontier awaiting a flexible traverse.
During my undergraduate study, I began to insert more philosophy into my life and continued work on |/||||. My worldview and belief systems had been dominated by religion throughout high school and early college, but when I befriended bums, scientists and academics, I slowly transitioned from romantic poet to philosophical essayist. At first I wasn’t good, still focused on emotion yet firmly defending newly implanted ideologies learned and discussed in collegiate classes and amongst friends whose extracurricular activities were both theory and action. Throughout my remaining collegiate years and during my first year of graduate school, I wrote Mission Semiotics: A Signifier Of Hardmind Philosophy.
Hardmind is a term I’ve been developing for 4 to 5 years. Math punks, steroid-driven to play chess while deeply pondering sexual prowess, manifolded my interest in hardcore culture whether it be music, activism, sex, art or expression of a brutally honest, unabashed passion for self-sufficiency. This includes activities as simple as eating or as complex as searching for intellectual pleasure. In a space substrate to intellectual brutality and sensation hardmind originated. This mentality can be observed in the naive, yet driven perspectives of Mission Semiotics. With such a text, I began a vital transformation from a person who accepted to a person able to revolutionize.
I continued to write essays during graduate school, working to limit scientific context and theme. Writing became an outlet, a best friend turned to when the perils of a dissertation and subsequent career turned impending doom. I composed after long nights of alcohol and psychoactives, letting observations and feelings blend into autobiographical exercises as selfish detoxification. With that state in mind, and in the midst of years of being alone, a familial comfort – my brother – moved to within a few hours of me. This was a relief aspirated from my psyche.
We connected a website, spending days on design and organization while crafting a pleasing, conceptual world appealing to those with similar questions. I was inscribing on fire, writing one or two essays daily, categorizing worldviews in terms and layers, and adding the imagery for visual intrigue. Pages of observations, critiques, stories, sketches and theories became life. We called the idea neoteric manumission, a momentary movement, driven by restraint, sending ourselves manually. We, you and I free from subliminal, mental slavery. It was an imperfect phrase for a near-perfect perspective and it was ours to share. Our site folded and my brother focused on other interests and concerns while I completed Neoteric Manumission of the AmericanHardmind, Neoterikos Manumittere! Or, Free The Written Word! as a freewrite prologue, and recorded all the written dialogue from the website as NeoAttractor: A Dynamical Discursion On Neoteric Manumission. The three “Neo-” pieces, along with 7th Year and Mission became the complete |/||||.
From this liberating foundation, I developed Americanhardmind into a personalized version of the hardmind typology I’d established purely out of general interest. By adding “American” to the front of the term and using ‘USAn’ in my essays, I differentiated an underrepresented history and minority viewpoint from popular culture branding and sheepish, allegiant attitudes and systems. Seldom does USA have Magdalenian-Kebaran voices of descent screaming articulately enough to be respected as agents of revolution. We weren’t taught to admire those ridiculed by USAn media or those inspiring absolute and uncompromising action in other countries. I’d decided to rearrange the revolutionary notion, creating a fantastical, mental horde for my anti-heroes to defeat.
With this mass perspective in mind and a new, dynamic and peaceful relationship formed, I traveled, composed and sketched, absorbing life’s intimacy and addressing provocative questions about reframing a mind. From three different areas of USA came a series of ethno-psychological essays accompanied by literate craft wholly foreign to me. The essays became / / |||| Chaos, Chaosa and Americanhardmind, with each acting as / between the remaining ||, ||| and |||| of ||||. In other words, each perspectives the importance of chaos in my life, chaosa (which you’ll learn about later) out of my mind, and americanhardmind as a(n) mind, consciousness, person, identity, alias, source, username, avatar, medium and/or americanhardmind.
‘Chaos’, or His Habit Chaos Ends, was conceived during a weekend without my lover from the new-dynamic-peaceful relationship. She was visiting family for a few days and I had the apartment to myself. With a few resources I intended on absorbing, I was transported to another mental dimension – a state of circadian-cycle2 - and filled an entire notebook - UndREstanding Vadem Mecum - with lexical pattern decoding, civilized history, theoretical physics, cryptic symbolism and personalized parallels within myself and with, of all things, an insect. I began a novel called Silverfish Firebrat from the handbook I’ve spent years unraveling. Other than an anti-hero named Homer Cosm, a chaotic protagonist – Silverfish Firebrat – invades daydreams and nightmares.
In his world and over a 40-year span, Homer overcomes 4 distinct groups of sociae out to sabotage a masterpiece, 4 lustful and vengeful sisters, and a 20,000 year old war of absolute decimation so that he might unite audio-consciously with the microcosmic marauder, the articulate anthropod, the Thysanuran Lure-In, Silverfish Firebrat. The handbook and novel remain incomplete and are ||/|||| Anthropod.
The second essay collection, ‘Chaosa’ or Esoteric Submission of American CHAOSA, was aptly named after one of the spectral figments designed by my brother and I in Neoteric Manumission. Once we identify various other spectra in our theory, the effort to understand what your neomission is (as we call it for short) involves submitting finite, specialized, overwhelming, esotericism to decay. Forget it and start over. Give it up and embrace free. For me, specialized indoctrination takes on a personal description stemming from years of dependence upon body and sex, history and science. Hence, American Chaosa.
Chaosa is an acronym and part of |||/|||| The CHAOSA Study, or The Celebrated Habitus And Onanist Sex Addiction Study. To free myself and esoterically submit means the necessity to shed a past I’ve continued to hide and run from. This includes a rhythmic entangle of developmental history called The Love Child, a lustful autobiography intended to exhume sexual nurture called The Hopeless Romantic, and a research study on the most debilitating trait of my personality – body addiction. This piece is difficult and without creative, ideological or fictitious escapism. I can’t avoid shadow luring guilt, seeing unwanted traits in quiet attempts to mask primal urges.
The final book of essays, ‘Americanhardmind’, is fully titled Quietus, Americanhardmind! and is the direct result of the fine-tuned cognizance of my neomission. In nearly 10 years of composed work, over 2,000 pages written, hundreds of sketches and endless silent pauses of brain pain, I’ve freed myself from 20-plus years of involuntary conditioning and learned helplessness. I’ve submitted what I thought I knew for what I want to know and have given myself another world to explore. Quietus with an ! is all about me letting go of me and instead acting in the name of anarchy, chaos and americanhardmind.
Started but yet to be fully outlined and realized is ||||/|||| TBA AALD. It’s a summation of the history I no longer embrace and an exposition on the future I intend to grab. It’s the unequivocal piece of an opus, uniting 4 volumes and sharing with others the desire for movement and selfless liberation – free from conceptual division and inactive indecision. In a final attempt to join my physical and mental discombobulation in a 5th dimension, I provide 4 works of historiography, psychology, graphic art and craft, the barest exceptions of filial differentiation and circumspect, familial tradition: a brief intervention called TBA…AALD is anti-Reference and Exposed; a device for hardmind revolution or Anarchaos Psychology; the complete handiworks of the nonverbal arts of Anti-Tekne,including the violent and sexually graphic precipice of Duæl Sensɐ, the neurosemiotic wars of Skullfucked RGB and a colorful traverse through the dialogical subconscious of Dirty Metrics; and the resultant micah |||| Americanhardmind, which is more like the title of this section than its own identity.
It’s interesting I end with a request for forgiveness from the blood relatives I’ve detracted through life. Though I love and live fruitfully, with purpose and severe passion, the foundations of how I get to why aren’t accepted beyond general reaction. I’ve been included because of ‘micah’ not because of me. Either way, there’s a referent for ‘micah’, ‘americanhardmind’ and ‘me’. Now, if only all the |’s can be erased.
