The Orgone Cloudbuster of Purple

Are the chairs floating…

…or the fish flying?

The Fragmented Figment of Synesthesia

sExpositional Theories Of Healthy Mind

I may be reiterating some thoughts and words in this explanation of my mind. No one wants to hear it or see it. Truly, no one. Not because I’m alone or lonely or in solitude or singularity, but because it’s not a fragmented figment anyone need experience. There’s sex, violence, hate, insecurity and condemnation inside. I’m a scorned person who holds everyone else in contempt if they don’t get to know me. I can’t leave life to its own resolve, tainting the noosphere with negation as a balance for all those seeking the opposite. I can’t help how I think most days. I don’t resort to explaining it to myself using theory anymore. In fact, I don’t much care for conjecture to explain anything anymore. I criticize and move on, hardly acting on my opinions and resorting to what makes me mildly comfortable.

I was found out by my partner today. She realized I was purchasing lust, of which I had denied a few days prior. I don’t lie to her, but in this case I wanted to keep her out of one of my most troubling behaviors. I’ve mentioned to several people who are well aware of the fact, I’m an addict. I’m not addicted to one thing, goodness I wish I was, but tend to balance out my addiction to many things. Whether it’s alcohol or drugs, food, sex or anger, there’s a focal point for my ethos, or more like my thanatos. I get the two mixed up all the time.

A little more than a year ago I wrote a piece about depression and how I considered being a depressive for at least 10 years. I’m basing this thought on the fact that I hardly leave my home. I don’t go anywhere, question myself hourly, and finding myself repeating neurotic behaviors, of which I mentioned above. I’m social when I have an opportunity, but I hardly create the chances and would rather lock myself in my study all day until my partner needs to be picked up from work. It’s difficult motivating myself to do anything and I’m falling further into inaction, justifying the many causes I can support as unsupportable. I’ve even gone the extent of being intrigued by bicamerality, synesthesia and a slew of self-created mental illnesses as descriptions for what I have.

There’s infotania and chaosa, influencea and anarchaos. I have all these names for what other psychologists have described using neurosis, incongruence, schema of apperception, depression, schizophrenia, anxiety, bipolar, learned helplessness, Jonah complex, dissociation and on and on and on. I could grab a list from an abnormal psychology text, the DSM or even an intro text. But the truth is the rationalization of my mental deficiencies are my own and have my own flair. I won’t use another’s words to describe what they think my thoughtful, singular inadequacies are. I won’t resort to their paged methodologies for insight into my developmental history and subjective qualifications of it. I have to be creative for my own inspired health.

Some people see numbers as particular colors. Others hear musical notes and see particular colors. Synesthesia usually deals with vision, but are there more complex forms? I’ve thought about this issue a few times over the years, but have never taken time to investigate because I don’t delve deeper. I want to assert the ideas, destroy the theories of others I no longer respect. If my brain combines the ability to hear audible voices via bicamerality, and synesthesia allows me to integrate sounds with deeper psychological sensations according to Rudolf Steiner’s and Guy Murchie’s sensory descriptions, whose to say the relationship isn’t a new form of consciousness, one able to relate said sources into a process some call ‘ill’ but which I call alienated normality? Whose to say my senses of language, ego and balance aren’t modified or adjusted when I hear my subconscious whisper every last word into my ears so that I can’t tell if it’s me thinking what I’m writing or the little insect Silverfish Firebrat I’ve devised as my modern anthropod Jiminy Cricket?

Now that I’ve come this far with what I consider a wild assertion about myself, I’ve reached a wall. I’ve already moved my thoughts to something primal, something I know is me, something onanistic. If I find some beautiful, female stimuli to excite me, I can relieve my mind from the questions with self-pleasure. It’s an automatic response and therapeutic action to remove me from self-doubt and endless inquiry into mind. There’s no sophisticated, covert method to get around my dilemmas, no institutionally-regulated study to keep me busy in stress chambers before I’m placed back into a plastic tub with a plastic water bottle and food pellets as fine dining while lounging on high-priced cedar bedding. I’m stretching now, and not on an exercise wheel. That’s for hamsters and I’m nobody’s pet!

There isn’t a conclusion to this immediate impulse of explanation. I don’t have an ending or an epiphanic discovery to let you in on. Living humans, in this age, don’t have those anymore. If they do, they tend to be sold for dollars, not distributed for mass human consumption or become innovation and not fits of pure genius. I only retain my dignity and my desire to remedy what I tend to think is debilitating according to what you find out about me. I could care less if this is how anyone else lives, or if the mental phenomenon has been explained in correlates to someone else’s psychological evaluation. This is my brain and my expression of it. I’m not wrong and resent having to feel this way through words. Never should I be ashamed of what I have to do to remain a good person to others as long as I only hurt myself in the process.

This ending is weak and I think I should stop now.

A Synaesthetic Exercise

Sure, you can see their entangled red hues, but can you smell their sweet fragrance? Taste their fresh dew? Feel their silky petals? Can you hear their tears because they cry from a potted isolation?

Tracing Humanity in the Civilized Mentality

Synaesthesizing Feelings of Synthesis

Humanity is the single most important idea of our lives. If every culture, religion or state dissolve imaginary boundaries and feel humans as one colossal group intended to maintain happiness, self-interests we serve are irrelevant. Humans follow a specific course through history – prehistory and modern history – and unintentional lessons have been learned. They’re lessons given to us by inside and outside of ourselves.

We’ve learned killing kills the killer quicker. We’ve learned selfishness make us happy at the cost of others. We’ve learned technology has caused us longterm pain at the expense of giving thirty more years to consider how to prevent it. Thirty years compared to millions of people before and after today who live their lives without the fear of death or loss of happiness. Make a judgment as to which might be better.

Are we certain life will end without human influence? If the answer is yes, then why do all the work of extending human life?

It is the civilized mentality we now commonly think with.

When our collective viewpoint was replaced by an individual and private condition of survival, singularity spread because it appeared easier and was forced more readily. Years later we return to the difficulty of knowing how it helped us. We still can’t find a way to reconnect, if indeed we ever were connected.

Is this what our civilized mentality asks for – a continuous rise and fall? What about the linear path we have always been so confident about? What about  growth? Are they also as irrelevant as selves?

What is irrelevant is humanity – the group mentality that started us off. Instead of reciprocity as a means of survival, humans grew in number to fend. This kind of population explosion is a strategy to keep humanity alive, irrespective of personal interest. Blame it on human nature, but don’t define it with humanity.

The survivalist concept – carbon-copied by thinkers who can be dust-binned together – relies on the notions of domestication, agriculture and hierarchy. Human endeavor first provided, then forced possibilities for increased population. In our modern era we see real innovations are few and far between, and now for a select group of individuals to discover a way to increase their numbers seems counterintuitive. The mixing of cultures and the increase in population was the creative force behind the development of domestication, agriculture and hierarchy. Population increase and civilized lifestyles most certainly co-developed. The question unanswered is: which one began the first steps toward the history we’ve tried to establish for ourselves?

Humanity was the bond that kept people together. It’s still the word we use to describe the special unity a person has to another person which nothing else can claim. It’s only a word now. Many people felt it and others pondered the reasons why they did feel it. It was more important than freedom, happiness, life or death. It meant there was someone else who could feel the same things as you did.

When humanity was felt, we also lived synaesthetically – taking or perceiving, and knowing or cognizing, the beauty of life outside of us with a connective feeling or sense. When we couldn’t explain the sensory crossover we went elsewhere, deciding to develop a civilized mentality to explain and attach temporary meanings to the this newly formed capacity.

So what happened?

There were those who altogether neglected the connection, instead serving diminutive beliefs in things – matter, energy, laws, egos, beliefs, truths and wars. They chose to defend civilized mentality rather than humanity as a whole. But it’s always been humanity that has provided the connection, the synaesthesis.

How is it so important to humanity?

Synaesthesis (sin-ass-thee-sis) is experiencing the integration of sensation and mentation in mutual communication.

The common senses, mentally known and studied, are: sight, sound, touch, taste and smell; and their degree of importance to people are ordered similarly, unless absent. There are four lesser known senses – balance, movement, pain and heat – which do not receive so much attention. It could either be because the receptors are less physically obvious than eyes, ears and so on, or they are infrequently used, such as pain reception. We strive to avoid pain. Rudolf Steiner, an Austrian scholar and Anthroposophist with Rosicrucian leanings, suggested three more beyond the nine: language, thought and ego. Beyond Steiner, Guy Murchie recently described up to thirty-two possible senses. Even further beyond are the numerous latent senses we’ve evolved through which other species use readily to maintain successful cohabitation with humanity.

Taken physically, sense is feeling light, vibration, pressure change, chemicals, gravity, movement and heat, as well as the structure of communicated thought, ideological patterns such as ration and intuition, and people not yourself. Though the latter three are presently more difficult to explain as senses, they are nonetheless felt physically in synaesthesis. Beyond this conscious utilitarian array is a vast unconscious array of incarnations only experienced through mentation.

Mentation is the summation of two or many of the senses resulting in perception and cognition. Perception is a philosophical and psychological concept often debated over, but primarily means the conscious or attentive processing of sensation. It is taking all the senses of an object and using them to identify what that object is. Cognition is putting meaning to the object, relating a thought and getting to know the object beyond identification.

If sensation and mentation are simultaneously acknowledged, often done by consciousness training and cognitive transferability, the interaction can initiate a mutual communication – at the level nonhuman animals have with nature or nature with earth. It can be just as understandable with other humans. It can be felt as real as a hug or a kiss is felt. We were once aware of this connection, as nonhumans are, and will slowly return to a similar fluency. The most comfortable aspect of recognizing the connection is the ability to shift between being yourself and being a part of the mutuality.

Recognizing this feeling can be as simple as saying, “I can see because my eyes are open, and I think them open because I’m directing my attention to them.” Imagine seeing and hearing at the same time you’re thinking about seeing and hearing – this is synaesthesia physically, and best described mentally by Georg Hegel’s dialectical synthesis. Recite the simple referential statement when you feel the deepest recoil.

Clinically, the experience of synaesthesia is considered mentally disordering and involuntary. It includes the integration of colors and numbers, which is less sensory and more cognitive. Hegel’s dialectic, based on investigating the truth of opinions, suggests contradictions in thought – thesis and antithesis – are part of a synthesis, or combined truth.

If feeling light and sound by being able to see and hear are combined as a mental synthesis – meaning they can be perceived as the same matter and energy philosophically –  a moment of synaesthesis will occur. Both synaesthesis and synthesis are commonly combined behaviors in life.

How does it work? Reading aloud is one example.

Typically, we understand vision and hearing to be two different senses and often contrast them as primary and secondary. In fact, they receive the same physical matter and energy if you synthesize it enough. The wave-particle duality is a traditional separation of matter, though the matter and energy of light seems to have its own form of interchangeable mutuality. Often, physics and math are analytical, separating things into their parts then continuing to investigate subatomically and abstractly. Of course, quantum matter and energy behave synthetically in nature, and especially in humans – both physically and mentally.

The difficult parts to understand aren’t the theories and conditional judgments. What is most difficult is consciously adjusting your mind to recognize the integration of sights and sounds when doing something like reading. You pay attention to the content of the written piece, not considering you’re looking at it, hearing it and touching the keyboard to scroll it. But if you could recognize all four actions at one time, the experience might be one you’ve never had before. It’s not as hard as it sounds. Just re-read from the top, but aloud this time.

Did you understand it a little better the second go-around?

Imagine we take this a step further by incorporating all of our senses into a single behavior. This action could be called life – every single moment of your conscious day and preconscious night. But instead of focusing on specific acts or knowledge such as typing at a computer, taking bites of chocolate, or trying to define life, we should focus on our fingers pressing keys as we watch the letters join to form a word we are thinking of spelling. Or we hold the piece of chocolate between two fingers, noticing our saliva increasing, place it into our mouth, and taste the cocoa, which can only taste like chocolate and not sugar. These are synaesthetic moments of life; beautiful moments we pass up for less meaningful half-truths. They are still as separate from the whole as atoms are from matter, but are mutual experiences connecting our sensation, mentation and humanity stronger than anything nonhuman can.

Think about life now.

Could it be the synthesis of every moment in our days and years before we die? Does it include good, evil, matter, energy, war, conflict, homelessness and destruction? Ideas are hard to experience and harder to define. Should it include these things if it presently doesn’t? Will they make life more complete if they are included? How do I feel as connected to humanity as I do to the keyboard I touched and the words I just read? Or to the chocolate only my mouth and brain know are chocolate?

It’s still not as difficult as you think, but there is one thing that keeps getting in the way, and it’s inside of you. It’s your civilized mentality.

Our civilized mentality has been a constant impairment to the ability of conscious awareness. Most people find it hard to recognize because of belief and knowledge systems which continually occlude the feeling. Beliefs and knowledge are safe and stable, offering humanity an easy way around the perils of actually having to oppose the fun and selfish parts of life in order to sense and mind it. If we believe an idea we don’t accept anything else. If we know something we don’t have to search anymore.

“Ah, ma. I don’t wanna,” is what we tell her again and again. Life, nature and the earth, the realistic trinity which created humanity, won’t take that excuse anymore. But at least it warns us death, destruction and disaster may come to humanity and our civilized mentalities sooner than we think.

Civilized mentalities are historically chronicled as such:

Myth was ousted by philosophy

Philosophy was ousted by religion.

Religion was ousted by science.

Science was ousted by technology.

What will technology be ousted by?

We still have the opportunity to answer this question.

Each of these belief systems occluded an opposing and mutual pattern of feeling:

Myth was the antithesis of humanity.

Philosophy was the antithesis of craft.

Religion was the antithesis of learning.

Science was the antithesis of creativity.

Technology is the antithesis of humanity.

The pattern seems to start over again.

And each area uncovered certain shortcomings about itself:

Myth exemplified humanity’s insignificance.

Philosophy exemplified human’s fallibility.

Religion exemplified supernatural intangibility.

Science exemplified empirical susceptibility.

Technology exemplifies progressive frailty.

We’ve had plenty of time to deal with inconsequentiality and to realize we have a very important part to play in humanity.

The civilized mentality has followed a particular course of brain function:

Feeling – Knowing – Believing – Experiencing – Rationalizing – Feeling

The first feeling was sensory feeling, like connecting to the earth, plants, nonhuman animals and celestial bodies through myth. The second coming of feeling is emotional feeling, like connecting synaesthetically to humanity, life, nature and earth again with the most personal encounters and memories of each.

Now is the time to sequester technology. So, what opposes technology?

Read it aloud. You have the synaesthesis to do so.

Humanity (has)

heart (due to)

passion (is)

love (forming)

unity (is)

cooperation (through)

tradition (from)

ancestors (mimicking)

nature (whose purpose is)

sustainability (for)

earth (and)

life (and)

humanity.